What a deal! The 1st Annual Stupid Human Bro Festival was in Minneapolis last night, and a Black Keys concert broke out in the background. It’s like a dream come true Groupon!
(big sigh) Oh where or where have the good times gone for our beloved Black Keys? As is the policy of this website, we don’t post reviews without accompanying photos, so welcome to our compromise. The Black Keys are still outstanding, but that’s another article for another day because sometimes stupid things are just too good to ignore.
I’m ok with stupid humans, I really am. It makes getting great jobs a lot easier with more stupid people floating around in our atmosphere. I can even handle these humanoid exports from the Planet of You Fucking Moron that temporarily land for mating purposes at an occasional indie show. However, the SHBF last night in Minneapolis was reason #1 that The Apocalypse Is Near – and quite frankly, at times I am glad.
Pardon me as I fail my drug test due to the intake of second hand pot last night. With so much shit in the air around me I eventually had an unstoppable urge to tap the Bro’s (it was their fucking festival so why not?) on the back of their No Fear shirt and utter profoundness such as “Whoaaa”, or “Hey. Dude. (slight pause). Fucking killer aren’t they? (slight pause #2) Fuck ya” while slowly tilting my chin upwards to provide the requisite (but unspoken) acknowledgment that all is good in our (their) bullshit world. God, I hate bro’s. They take up valuable space at my favorite shows and they are reason #1 why the 2nd Amendment is still very relevant. I know they must have been selling Affliction shirts at the merch table last night. Was there a buy one get one free promo if you had your I-Must-Get-Laid ID Bro card? These were not Minneapolis’s finest. These are the humanoids that finally realized they can’t get laid listening to Dave Matthews anymore. Thus, they feel it’s their time to forge ahead to new ground, alas, our beloved Black Keys. Oh, Dan Auerbach, just say it isn’t so. Just when the Black Keys were our cool thing we’re overrun by the testosterone and profilactic driven Bro tribe. Fuck.
For a related article that far exceeds the quality of this one above, please read this: